Recently, we have come to a conclusion, that a stereotypical man in the family might very well procrastinate doing simple tasks that emphasize his masculinity simply because, for example, hanging a picture on the wall is something that happens so rarely nowadays (like once a year), that it’s definitely not worth jumping into it right away.
By delaying, he gets to feel needed multiple times for the same reason, whereas fixing whatever issue in one go would serve the purpose just once. And as I understand it, this often leads to the situation where the wife gets frustrated and ends up hanging the picture on the wall herself.
If you think about the number of opportunities in today’s world, for instance, when living in a townhouse, the property management takes care of snow removal in the winter, and the lawn on the right side of the porch is just about 1-2 square meters, which isn’t even enough to justify buying a lawnmower. Not to mention apartment buildings.
Now, I don’t know about you, but when I imagine myself as a man in the house or in many cases, apartment, if I supposedly can’t get around to doing some simple task, it’s most likely due to the fact that I would unconciously want to feel needed as many times as possible before actually getting it done.
Especially considering a stereotypical nightmare scenario where the wife wouldn’t even thank me when it’s finally done but instead nags afterwards about how many times she had to ask and how long it actually took to get it done. Naturally, I’d take my ‘payment’ in advance—the increasingly rare feeling of being needed as a man—and as many times as possible, to maximize the ”profit”.
When you think about it more closely, that ‘nagging’ isn’t really masculine or feminine; it just signals a lack of clear communication or an inability to express one’s needs effectively. It’s not about gendered behavior—whether male or female, effective communication is key to avoiding frustration in any relationship.
A strong and confident feminine woman wouldn’t even make such a loud noise for nothing, except perhaps in the bedroom when expressing her femininity or what do you think?
It goes without saying, that it’s a big no no. Such a behaviour kind of feeds creating other masculinish traits and in worst case, creates conditioning on how to behave in such moments so we don’t want to go there.
Really? How exactly this type of situation should be handled then?
Well..using more positive approach could possibly be more convenient. By reminding politely about the last time a masculine husband did his duties successfully and how good it felt to have a man in the house, encouraging him to do so again.
In fact, it could be convenient lifehack for a wife to remain in her feminine and to help her husband to get into and remain in his masculine by actually even pretending helpless in order to make her husband feel needed, instead of the opposite.
Oh, and If you happen to be a man, take out the damn trash. Always. Because it’s not fitting for a woman’s dignity to have to haul smelly garbage to the bin, and in the end, you might not have too many other opportunities left anyway.
That being said, as we all can imagine—and some might even have firsthand experience—building and maintaining a thriving marriage requires reflecting on both your own and your spouse’s behavior, along with intentional effort and a commitment to fostering harmony. As you navigate your relationship, keep these do’s and don’ts in mind to strengthen your bond and ensure a fulfilling partnership. Now, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.
Do’s
Communicate Openly
Foster an environment where both partners feel safe to express their thoughts and emotions by creating a culture of communication. Culture is how you behave unconsciously.
Regular and in best cases, scheduled honest discussions while both 100% in present helps prevent misunderstandings and builds trust.
Show Appreciation
Regularly express gratitude for your partner’s efforts, both big and small. Acknowledging each other’s contributions, even the tiniest ones..strengthens your connection and boosts mutual respect.
Gentlemen used to open doors and cary the bags, so why not keep doing so? Every woman knows, what her husband values when done without asking so why not increase the amount of those tiny gestures?
Prioritize Quality Time
Make it a priority to spend meaningful time together by exploring different ways to connect. Plan regular date nights, but don’t limit yourselves to the same routine—try new experiences, like cooking a meal together, taking a walk in nature, or starting a new hobby as a couple.
Engage in shared activities that allow you to learn more about each other’s interests and passions, such as reading or listening a book together or attending a workshop. Even the simple act of setting aside time to talk without distractions, like a no-phone hour, can deepen your connection and reinforce your emotional bond. Prioritizing these moments creates a strong foundation of intimacy and understanding, essential for a thriving partnership.
Support Each Other’s Growth
Encourage and support each other’s personal and professional goals. A thriving marriage is one where both partners feel empowered to grow individually and as a couple.
If both are career focused at some point, how about agreeing the milestones and what happens after reaching them? Come up with some mutual goals as well.
Practice Forgiveness
Embrace the power of forgiveness to move past conflicts and mistakes. Holding onto grudges can erode your relationship, while forgiveness paves the way for healing, evolving and growth.
In case you or your spouse find it difficult to forgive, create a policy for automatic forgiveness after a given period of time or so.
Don’ts
Don’t Ignore the Signs of Nagging
Nagging is often a sign of unmet needs or a lack of attention. Don’t brush it off or become defensive.
Instead, address the underlying issues and work together to find a resolution. Start and keep fulfilling those needs, that are revealed.
Never have sex
That’s right. Having sex sounds more like fulfilling own desires and satisfying your own needs istead of expressing love towards your partner. Making love has more positive connotation, including the word ”love”. Which should be unquestionable feeling towards someone special and therefore sounds like less selfish act.
Don’t ever ask your partner, if you should have sex or not. It makes you sound like you would want to satisfy your own needs with her or him, instead of expressing your love.
Don’t Take Each Other for Granted
Avoid falling into the trap of complacency. Regularly show your partner that you value and appreciate them, and never assume they already know how much they mean to you.
Keep repeating the obvious using different words whenever you feel it’s needed, even you said it just yesterday. Oh, and while making love..make sure your love if felts as well, but never let your spouse take you granted nor take your spuse granted.
Don’t Let Conflict Linger
Unresolved conflicts can fester and create distance. Don’t avoid difficult conversations; address issues head-on and work together to find solutions.
In fact, we believe it can be a convenient lifehack to approach to organize weekly 1:1 meetings with each family member to find resolutions to whatever seems to remain issues for days.
Don’t Isolate Yourselves
While it’s important to prioritize your relationship, don’t isolate yourselves from friends, family, or your community.
Maintaining connections outside the marriage enriches your lives and provides a support network.
Don’t try to dominate
While it seems to be natural for women to unconciously seek the leadership of the pack, simply out of survival instinct to see if it’s safe to submit under the leadership of their husbands, simply don’t do it.
Majority of men, don’t get it and more often than not, hand their leadership to you in order to please you and it’s not your best interest. At all. As soon as you’ll receive such an honor, the overal satisfaction of your relationship will start to weaken. If you happen to be a man, never let a woman to take the charge of your relationship.
Only in bedroom, occasionally maybe. Refuse to be a simp and if you ever find yourself in a such position, start correcting the course of your relationship without ever mentioning the critical change in your relationship dynamics to avoid resistance. It’s never too late, but it can require some time and strategic effort.
In Finland, many men ask for permission from ”the government” for their outings, and this is exactly what it’s about. (If you’re interested in the topic, it’s worth reading the accompanying article, for example, using Google Chrome’s translation feature.)
Our hypothesis is that no woman, understandably driven by survival instincts, who has taken on the leadership role in a family that includes a man, can ever be truly happy—even if she tries hard to convince herself and others otherwise.
Don’t Forget to Have Fun
Life can get busy, but don’t forget to laugh and have fun together. Shared joy is a crucial ingredient in a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage.
By adhering to these do’s and don’ts, you can create a strong foundation for your marriage, ensuring that it not only survives but thrives. A thriving marriage is built on mutual respect, continuous growth, and a deep commitment to nurturing the relationship every single day.
By implementing these strategies, couples can cultivate harmony and create a thriving marriage dynamic. A strong woman leads by example, by remaining positive…even in a relationship that has stagnated irreversibly, fostering an environment of love, respect, and mutual growth.
In doing so, she not only enhances her own relationship but also inspires those around her to strive for the same. Through deliberate effort and unwavering commitment, a thriving marriage becomes not just a possibility, but a reality.
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